Don’t be so vain to think that you ruined me,
that you wrecked me,
I am the only one who has the power to do that.
I loved you, and I ruined myself,
I wrecked myself,
I destroyed myself.
And I will keep doing so for as long as I am breathing.
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
1. If you feel insubstantial, I’ll take you to the sea
where you can feel the raw vigor of the waves
slapping against your bare back, over and over,
and you’ll realize your own tangibility.
2. I know sometimes you feel frailer than
your grandmother’s floral china, but I’ll make you feel
the spine in your back and the two feet
on the ground, the beating heart in your chest.
repeat after me, “I am sound”.
3. When your heart breaks because the beautiful boy
does not love you the way you want him to,
I’ll take you by the hand and point out
every single thing on this goddamn planet
that’s more beautiful than him.
4. When the words come pouring out of you
like a rushing river, I’ll hold your head above water
with a few tissues for extra buoyancy,
until the flood water is no longer high,
but instead, around your ankles.
5. When you want to die because you think
the world won’t miss you, I’ll mail you a 20 page letter
with the names and cell phone numbers
of all the people in the world
who’d miss the hell out of you.